chasing the monster
My loco loco habit continues its relentless downward spiral. Every time that I think I have hit rock bottom, I find that there is a new low waiting to be discovered.
Now I can only satisfy my cravings with the Russian variety of this insidious concoction. It is a nonalcoholic version of the Dude’s favorite cocktail that has been laced with extra caffeine, strange varieties of B vitamins, and designer sugar molecules. The worst part is that I know in my heart that the Dude would never be caught dead drinking one of these things. I know that if I drank one of these in front of the Dude, he wouldn’t judge me; the Dude is not judgmental like that. If I drank one of these in front of the Dude, he probably wouldn’t even see me. I would fade into the background with all of the other things that are irrelevant to the Dude. I have become invisible to the Dude.
I can’t even purchase this variety at a discount from the megalomart. I have to go to one of a few gas stations in the area that carry it, and face the condescending looks of a clerk as I pile five or six cans on the counter and pay for them from the wad of dirty cash that I keep stashed in my car for just this purpose. I could use a credit card, but Floyd would never believe that I am buying that much gas.
I keep telling myself that I can beat this thing, but I don’t really believe it anymore.
Everybody Knows - Leonard Cohen
Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died
All of that bleak pessimism, and still this song only brings one image to mind.
hi dad i’m in jail also adolescence will scar your brain but that’s how it goes and also happy tuesday imaginary constructs -mumblelard
the jellyfish in the garden
There was more than too much of the jug, but this was before there ever was any of the junk or we wouldn’t have even left the room. The front of the market was lined with potted flowers that they should have locked up if they didn’t want us to steal a carload. The flat was filled with flowers for the week it took them all to die of neglect, but the barren pots of dirt never went away.
13
3a or 666satan
I was way the hell out in this part of cherokee county I had never been to before. Because I have always wanted to own my own compound, I was checking out this old church camp that is for sale*. I am thinking that maybe I can start a militia or cult or maybe even a writers colony**, and the place will pay for itself. Running a writers colony doesn’t seem like it could hurt anyone, and my militia would be a place where folks are trained in the martial arts so they can go walk the earth defending the unfortunate. This could be just the loophole I have been trying to find.
I spent about an hour walking around the place and most of the cabins are pretty beat but salvageable. Some of them were locked and those may have been in better shape than the unlocked ones. I was trying hard not to actually break into anywhere***, but I admit I shoulder-checked the chapel door pretty hard to get it open, and some part of the jamb may have broken in the process.
I stopped at a place nearby that was either called “store” or “food store” to buy a drink and ask about the camp. The guy behind the counter did not look happy to see me, so I bought a cup of coffee and tried not to look at the beer cooler, because really it was not a good morning to start that. He didn’t know if the place was really for sale, but he did know they had a problem with squatters in the back cabins and kids drinking there on the weekends, so cops keep an eye on the place now. Good to know.
The coffee was horrible, so I stopped at a shell station on the way back and bought a soda to get the taste out of my mouth.
* is/will be/was for sale, but there was a camp there so that part of the lead was true at least.
**or a summer camp or a free school
**and anyway I don’t keep bolt cutters or the other stuff in my car anymore
r r r rafters
The raven, the radishes, and refraction lived together for several years and became a family in the way that can happen. But with time, the open plane of a large country and divergent velocities, they have grown apart. Now when they see each other, their differences loom, and the great distances fit awkwardly in the small space.
(via a print on my bathroom wall) (via Webster’s elementary dictionary; A dictionary for boys and girls, A Merriam-Webster, American Book Company, 1956)
Shelter Two - The Evens
we stood at shelter two and listened to the trees
it’s all downhill from here
downhill good downhill bad happy sunday imaginary constructs -mumblelard
(via nater)
burning bridges in the park (cameraphone)
Last fall I burned the remaining corporate swag from my last ten years of employment. Awards, logoed golf shirts, anniversary pins, etc. I get rid of most of that stuff as it arrives or I would have had to head out to the country for a bonfire.
California - The Wedding Present
“You’re scared you’ll make some big mistake, but I forgive you
This is a risk you’ll have to take and I’ll be with you”
Let’s get in the car and go. It is past time we did this. Don’t pack anything we will get new stuff when we get there. Everything will be new when we get there.
Well, bring your silver shorts, but that’s it.
I know this is an escapist song about an idealized eden but it still gets me all worked up every time I hear it. Happy Monday imaginary constructs -mumblelard
